Loyalty?
I find that it is my right to say that I do not want to see her sister's husband. I find it comes to me very naturally - I don't want to spend time with him, or her family when he's around, because everything suddenly seems so fake and phoney. So we had another go today - Christmas came up again - and I, in the heat of the moment, continued to hold to my course, and said that if she chose to celebrate Christmas in OUR home, and allow HIM in, then I would go and spend Christmas with my parents.
For the life of me, I can't figure out if I really would, but it somehow irked me - pushed my buttons - that she would so readily allow him entry into our home, when she is vehement about her Dad doing the same, effectively overruling her Mom, who does not want to see the schmuck in her house either?
But what really stung, was that I got the impression that her loyalty is towards her family more than it is towards me. And that really hurt, because I put her first. I would cut off all contact with my family, if it came to that, in order to be with her. That sounds harsh, but to me, that's what marriage is? You commit to each other, and only each other, for as long as you both shall live. It's you and her, together, for the duration of your life.
Am I wrong here? Am I the bad guy? Jury, again, is still out. But I feel...justified? - in my anger? I feel I am entitled to it? And I feel I am entitled to her loyalty, damnit? - I should be the top priority!
So I walked out - well, into the basement - to stew. She's upstairs in the livingroom. We'll see if we manage to find comon ground tonight, or if I'll be spending the night on the couch.
Stay tuned folks... :-P
For the life of me, I can't figure out if I really would, but it somehow irked me - pushed my buttons - that she would so readily allow him entry into our home, when she is vehement about her Dad doing the same, effectively overruling her Mom, who does not want to see the schmuck in her house either?
But what really stung, was that I got the impression that her loyalty is towards her family more than it is towards me. And that really hurt, because I put her first. I would cut off all contact with my family, if it came to that, in order to be with her. That sounds harsh, but to me, that's what marriage is? You commit to each other, and only each other, for as long as you both shall live. It's you and her, together, for the duration of your life.
Am I wrong here? Am I the bad guy? Jury, again, is still out. But I feel...justified? - in my anger? I feel I am entitled to it? And I feel I am entitled to her loyalty, damnit? - I should be the top priority!
So I walked out - well, into the basement - to stew. She's upstairs in the livingroom. We'll see if we manage to find comon ground tonight, or if I'll be spending the night on the couch.
Stay tuned folks... :-P
posted by Atrejù at 21:26
3 Comments:
Arty:
To be honest, I agree with your loyalty to your wife, but I don't agree with your distancing yourself from her family, even though your brother-in-law is a conniving dickless bastard and his wife is too damn weak to know she's being abused. I know you want to be immersed in what's "real" and not what's masked in false pretenses of peace, but you seem to be contradicting yourself here. You say you would do anything to be with her, yet you would abstain from being with her at family events--especially the important ones like Christmas. In effect, you are not just punishing the one that deserve it, but also the one you love the most. I know you feel like she should be more loyal to you, but my ultimate feelings are marriage is about sacrifice in the name of love for someone else. If you can't stand him to be around, but you love your wife, take her as the greater of the two impetuses and go with her because you love her and show your support for her. Not her family, not her sister and her bastard husband. Which, in my opinion, means take a stand where you can at home... but when it comes to your wife and her needs, put up the with rat bastard and try to just imagine doing hideous things to him, which he well deserves.
I support you completely, whatever you choose to do. It's just my two cents.
((hugs))
I gotta agree with Amy on this one, Cuz. She's a Smart one.. but still situation blows goats.
*HUG*
Yeah - Amos is a smart one alright...and yeah: the situation still blows goats. But eerily enough, I'm all mellow about the situation today? Don't know if it's because I didn't get the other job either, and I suddenly have more pressing things to think about? But today, I'm mellow. Like jello. :-)
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